I know I've spent a lot of time expounding upon the perks and fun of Foreign Service life; but the truth is, it has its downsides too. One of the major downsides is bereavement.
The State Department has a program Emergency Visitation Travel (EVT), 3 FAM 3740. The good news is that if your parent or sibling dies and you cannot afford a plane ticket, the State Department will cover it, but the number or times it can be invoked is very low. I want to stress that it's a great program, because it means that officers and spouses who are posted across the world aren't left with making a decision whether to attend the funeral of a parent or sibling and having to put what could be a $10k plane ticket on their credit card or not being able to say goodbye at all. Where one runs into problems with this program is if the officer or spouse has more than two parents. It will only pay for two. That means that most of us really want to save up those tickets for the time when you're going to be posted in the South Pacific and the fares are like $10k to get home. That's when you're going to want and need State's help.
When my grandfather died, it wasn't a surprise. Luckily, we were "only" posted in Ottawa; so the ticket wasn't as expensive as it could have been. That said, my husband and I had to put about $1200 on our nearly maxed out credit card so that I could go to the funeral. We'd absolutely do it again, but it was a huge financial burden on our family. I also had to take advanced sick leave from my job, which would have been much easier if I hadn't already been "in the hole" due to a chronically-ill child. It took the rest of our time in Ottawa for me to make it up, which meant I had to use advanced annual leave whenever my child was sick after that. It was a never-ending cycle that put a serious strain on our little family during an already difficult time.
Bereavement is a very difficult process in the Foreign Service. Sometimes, the officer and/or spouse can't afford the ticket; other times, he or she can't get the leave required to take the trip. When we were in language training at FSI, my grandmother died. Everyone knows you can't take any leave when you're in training; so I wasn't able to attend her funeral. I never got to say goodbye or to be with my grieving family during that time; so I never was able to have that closure.
I'm facing the same thing right now. My grandfather's sister died yesterday, and I won't be able to attend her funeral on Thursday. She was a sweet, sweet lady who always took care of everyone in her entire family. She visited my grandfather in the nursing home nearly every day while he was there; she took care of her brother for most of his adult life; she took care of her hearing-impaired husband for 60 years; and it goes on and on. I really wish I could go an pay my last respects to her, but I won't be able to. This is when life in the FS isn't what all it's cracked up to be. Yet again, I won't be able to get that closure I need. And this is just one case, one story. There are thousands of us in this life who go through the same thing. We don't have the money or don't have the childcare we'd need to be able to make it there. Instead, we're half way around the world and looking for a way to send flowers and a card to say goodbye. We have R&R in 11 days, and I am just going to miss it. I won't be able to be there and hold my grandmother's hand while she says goodbye to her sister-in-law, a woman who meant so much to her and my to my late grandfather. This is when life in the Foreign Service sucks. This is when we're left with the guilt from our decisions to move so far away.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Friday, February 7, 2014
Louisiana Names Never Sound Like They're Spelled
Louisiana is a place all its own. I was just laughing to myself about Louisiana surnames, street names, and city names. They almost never sound like they're spelled. I remember finding it so funny when visitors and tourists would try to pronounce them; heck, even I got it wrong once in a while!
For instance:
Gilbert pronounced "Joe Bear"
Hebert pronounced "Ay Bear"
Herbert also pronounced "Ay Bear"
Gaubert pronounced "Go Bear"
LeBlanc pronounced "Lu Blan"
Thibodaux pronounced "Tib u Doe"
Houma pronounced "Home Uh"
Boudreaux pronounced "Boo Droe"
Thibaut pronounced "Tee Bo"
Tchoupitoulas pronounced "Chop It Tool Us"
Simoneaux pronounced "Sim Uh No"
Richard pronounced "Re Shard"
Lafourche pronounced "Lu Foosh"
Now, there are many, many more than I've included here; but it's been so long since I've been home that my memory is foggy.
I love how unique South Louisiana is. I love the "ma'ams" and "sirs" you get from people your own age when you go the store. I love introductory conversations revolving around, "Who's your family?" I absolutely miss hearing the never-ending "y'alls" and questions of "you gonna get down?" If you don't grow up there, most people have no idea that, "you gonna get down?" means, "Are you going to get out of the car and go in?" Yes, Louisiana is such a fun, vibrant place.
For instance:
Gilbert pronounced "Joe Bear"
Hebert pronounced "Ay Bear"
Herbert also pronounced "Ay Bear"
Gaubert pronounced "Go Bear"
LeBlanc pronounced "Lu Blan"
Thibodaux pronounced "Tib u Doe"
Houma pronounced "Home Uh"
Boudreaux pronounced "Boo Droe"
Thibaut pronounced "Tee Bo"
Tchoupitoulas pronounced "Chop It Tool Us"
Simoneaux pronounced "Sim Uh No"
Richard pronounced "Re Shard"
Lafourche pronounced "Lu Foosh"
Now, there are many, many more than I've included here; but it's been so long since I've been home that my memory is foggy.
I love how unique South Louisiana is. I love the "ma'ams" and "sirs" you get from people your own age when you go the store. I love introductory conversations revolving around, "Who's your family?" I absolutely miss hearing the never-ending "y'alls" and questions of "you gonna get down?" If you don't grow up there, most people have no idea that, "you gonna get down?" means, "Are you going to get out of the car and go in?" Yes, Louisiana is such a fun, vibrant place.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Don't Flush Your Toilet Paper
I thought the major news story about the fact that you can't flush your toilet paper in Sochi during the Olympics to be hilarious. We couldn't flush our toilet paper the entire time we were in Ecuador. All of our bathroom garbage cans had lids for "discretion," and it was always funny to watch our visitors' faces when we told them about the "rule." I guess that's one of the things we take for granted when we live in a "First World Country" and one of the many things we have to learn to deal with when we live and travel abroad. Yes, it's disgusting and unhygienic; it's just one of those "things" one has to get used to in this life.
I remember kind of rolling my eyes when our sponsors told us about the rule. We didn't listen, of course. We figured we lived in a house with marble floors and a pool; what could be more telling than that? After about three months, the plumbing started to clog; and the smell from the sewer grate right outside our house got rancid. We took the hint. Another "hint" that our sponsors gave us--and we promptly blew off--was to always have toilet paper on us. See, I don't remember seeing a public toilet in all of Ecuador that either had an actual toilet seat or that contained toilet paper. Sure, oftentimes, there were pay dispensers on the wall. And you did get a good bit for the nickel you had to pay to buy it. But how many times out of ten do you actually have a nickel--not five pennies or a dime or a quarter, but a nickel--when you really need one? Let's just say that I was lucky our oldest son was still in diapers. We never carried T.P., but we ALWAYS had baby wipes! Let me also say that trying to "squat" over a seat-less toilet while massively pregnant with my second son was a very...difficult and unpleasant experience. Okay, so enough toilet humor; but I will say that when moving to a foreign country, always carry T.P.
I've probably written before about the "line" issue in foreign countries. FYI, Americans: most foreign countries done "do" lines. Actually, most of them don't do what we like to call "personal space" either. As someone who was raised in the South, this was absolutely a difficult thing for me to get used to. Southerners by tradition are very manner-conscious, and we don't like to jump in front of people (or knock them completely out of the way like I've seen other places), and we try to always make sure that the people who were there first actually get to go first. Not so in Ecuador or in Albania. I used to take it personally, thinking that if I just knew how to say "such and such" in whatever the local language was, that I'd be able to voice my displeasure. I thought I was getting pushed around and that people were jumping ahead of me because I was a foreigner. Well, that's just not so. They jump in front of everyone, even little old ladies who've been waiting forever.
Albania is funny for that. I think everyone who reads my blog knows that I love it here; so I will speak freely and hope that everyone realizes that I do not mean to offend the Albanian people in any way. In Albania, both older people and children are shown great respect. It's not uncommon at all for people to greet each other as "Zoti" or "Zonya," the English equivalent of "sir" or "ma'am." They might tip their hat to an older person and then just jump in front of them when paying in the line. There's no malice intended; it's just how it's done. Someone explained to me that traffic and lines/crowds in Albania are like running water. If there is a space to fill up--no matter how small--people are going to fill it up. This includes, but is not limited to, jumping in line when you've got one foot of space between yourself and the person in front of you and cutting through two lanes of traffic so they can get in front of you, even if there's a parked bus on the shoulder of the road they have to pull behind. Traffic circles work much the same way. People don't really yield or move with the turn; rather, they just drive straight across it until their turn comes. Once you realize that's how it's "done" here, driving becomes a lot less scary and intimidating. I guess you have to see it to believe it.
Another thing I had to get used to is that there's no just walking up to the salesperson in a store or shop and asking a question. There's always a greeting that must take place, or the person asking the question is seen as rude. I still forget this one and get embarrassed when I do. I have not been able to pick up the "mire" cultural dance that I see everyone having. "Mire" (rhymes with deer) in Albanian means "good" or "well." Whenever people meet up in the street or in a store, they do what I call the "mire dance." It basically boils down to a conversation like this:
Person #1: Hi! How are you?
Person #2: Good. You?
Person #1: Good. How is everything? Good?
Person #2: Good, good. And how is everything with you? Good?
Person#1: Good. How is your family? Good?
Person #2: Good, good. And your family is good?
Person #1: Good. They are good.
Person #2: Good. Have a good day!
Person #1: Have a good day!
And so it goes, on and on and on. But, to an American, all we ever here is "mire, mire mire."
I love the little cultural quirks that different places have; of course, sometimes I hate them too. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Each posting is what you make of it. If you're ready to get mad at everything like I was on my first posting, you're going to find yourself unhappy. If you're willing to brush things off, you'll be okay. Just know that almost EVERYTHING is different, not just the language and the food or the way people dress. Nothing is going to be the same, but that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy it. And what we need to remember is that we are but guests in their country. It's our job to change to fit in with their culture, not their job to change to fit in with ours. And remember to carry toilet paper.
I remember kind of rolling my eyes when our sponsors told us about the rule. We didn't listen, of course. We figured we lived in a house with marble floors and a pool; what could be more telling than that? After about three months, the plumbing started to clog; and the smell from the sewer grate right outside our house got rancid. We took the hint. Another "hint" that our sponsors gave us--and we promptly blew off--was to always have toilet paper on us. See, I don't remember seeing a public toilet in all of Ecuador that either had an actual toilet seat or that contained toilet paper. Sure, oftentimes, there were pay dispensers on the wall. And you did get a good bit for the nickel you had to pay to buy it. But how many times out of ten do you actually have a nickel--not five pennies or a dime or a quarter, but a nickel--when you really need one? Let's just say that I was lucky our oldest son was still in diapers. We never carried T.P., but we ALWAYS had baby wipes! Let me also say that trying to "squat" over a seat-less toilet while massively pregnant with my second son was a very...difficult and unpleasant experience. Okay, so enough toilet humor; but I will say that when moving to a foreign country, always carry T.P.
I've probably written before about the "line" issue in foreign countries. FYI, Americans: most foreign countries done "do" lines. Actually, most of them don't do what we like to call "personal space" either. As someone who was raised in the South, this was absolutely a difficult thing for me to get used to. Southerners by tradition are very manner-conscious, and we don't like to jump in front of people (or knock them completely out of the way like I've seen other places), and we try to always make sure that the people who were there first actually get to go first. Not so in Ecuador or in Albania. I used to take it personally, thinking that if I just knew how to say "such and such" in whatever the local language was, that I'd be able to voice my displeasure. I thought I was getting pushed around and that people were jumping ahead of me because I was a foreigner. Well, that's just not so. They jump in front of everyone, even little old ladies who've been waiting forever.
Albania is funny for that. I think everyone who reads my blog knows that I love it here; so I will speak freely and hope that everyone realizes that I do not mean to offend the Albanian people in any way. In Albania, both older people and children are shown great respect. It's not uncommon at all for people to greet each other as "Zoti" or "Zonya," the English equivalent of "sir" or "ma'am." They might tip their hat to an older person and then just jump in front of them when paying in the line. There's no malice intended; it's just how it's done. Someone explained to me that traffic and lines/crowds in Albania are like running water. If there is a space to fill up--no matter how small--people are going to fill it up. This includes, but is not limited to, jumping in line when you've got one foot of space between yourself and the person in front of you and cutting through two lanes of traffic so they can get in front of you, even if there's a parked bus on the shoulder of the road they have to pull behind. Traffic circles work much the same way. People don't really yield or move with the turn; rather, they just drive straight across it until their turn comes. Once you realize that's how it's "done" here, driving becomes a lot less scary and intimidating. I guess you have to see it to believe it.
Another thing I had to get used to is that there's no just walking up to the salesperson in a store or shop and asking a question. There's always a greeting that must take place, or the person asking the question is seen as rude. I still forget this one and get embarrassed when I do. I have not been able to pick up the "mire" cultural dance that I see everyone having. "Mire" (rhymes with deer) in Albanian means "good" or "well." Whenever people meet up in the street or in a store, they do what I call the "mire dance." It basically boils down to a conversation like this:
Person #1: Hi! How are you?
Person #2: Good. You?
Person #1: Good. How is everything? Good?
Person #2: Good, good. And how is everything with you? Good?
Person#1: Good. How is your family? Good?
Person #2: Good, good. And your family is good?
Person #1: Good. They are good.
Person #2: Good. Have a good day!
Person #1: Have a good day!
And so it goes, on and on and on. But, to an American, all we ever here is "mire, mire mire."
I love the little cultural quirks that different places have; of course, sometimes I hate them too. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Each posting is what you make of it. If you're ready to get mad at everything like I was on my first posting, you're going to find yourself unhappy. If you're willing to brush things off, you'll be okay. Just know that almost EVERYTHING is different, not just the language and the food or the way people dress. Nothing is going to be the same, but that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy it. And what we need to remember is that we are but guests in their country. It's our job to change to fit in with their culture, not their job to change to fit in with ours. And remember to carry toilet paper.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Foreign Service Super Bowl Parties
You know, after seven+ years of FS life, I am no longer surprised by what people and families abroad will go through to be able to live and celebrate like regular Americans do. I am, however, always impressed by lengths which our Foreign Service families will go to to participate in something as quintessentially American as the Super Bowl. Now, I'll be honest and tell you that the Super Bowl doesn't mean much to me. I've never been much of a sports fan personally, but the Super Bowl party tradition is something I can really appreciate.
Now, I'm not up on marketing statistics or where franchises of international restaurants are located; but let's suffice it to say that I'm pretty sure the majority of countries where our FS families are posted do not have Papa John's Pizza or Domino's or even Frank's Hot Sauce. But people in the Foreign Service are nothing if not resourceful! For those who are in countries where they don't get a Consumables Shipment (a ready-made pantry of wonderful, American favorites that they pay in advance for and have shipped to post), it can be really difficult to recreate Super Bowl standards like: chili, Buffalo wings, nachos, sliders, etc. There are a lot of novice chefs out there who try variation after variation of spices and sauces while using completely different and/or foreign ingredients just to attempt to replicate a family or cultural favorite. Some of us will buy/barter/beg for certain things within our respective communities. I know when I moved here, getting a can of black beans felt like winning the lottery!
Most of us are on different time zones--some twelve or more hours difference than Central Standard Time--and, therefore, go to great lengths (and sometimes hardships) to be able to watch the game. Here in Albania, for instance, one officer had a party that STARTED at midnight! Of course, some people had to go to work this morning; and some were able to take the day off. I asked people people on the FS Facebook page to share some of their stories, and here are the ones I've gotten so far:
The CLO (me) had a coffee and donuts Super Bowl party at their house, and we watched the first hour of the game before everyone had to go to work for 7:30 a.m.
In SE Asia (~12-hour time difference) I remember we hosted a few Super Bowl breakfasts at the DCR.
Super Bowl aired here in Baghdad at 2:30am - Although I was definitely asleep at that time, I know a lot of offices organized 'Super Bowl breakfast parties' for last night, and the American Club/Baghdaddy's (the only bar/restaurant on compound) had a party with the game on projector for anyone on the compound to watch! Also, since we can't really leave the compound for grocery shopping, I know a lot of people crowd-sourced ingredients to try and make some typical Super-Bowl Sunday food fare.
I have no interest in the SB! But my sons do, so I told them they could set their alarms for 1:30 and get up to watch here in Amman. They did. They are home from school today, and hopefully when they wake up, they will clean up their chips/salsa and hot cocoa mess.
We stayed up in Ouagadougou and broke out some chips and rationed salsa! Went to bed at 1am when we realized it wasn't going to be much of a game and we had to get up in 4 hrs to get the kids to school!!
Blast from the past. When we were in Guatemala ('98-'00) we all got together for a Super Bowl party. We were blessed there, not a huge time difference (from US east coast) & Guate had pirated TV from Denver, so it was like watching TV in the States but since we were Americans & the Guatemalan Government was not always happy with us, when it got to be the 4th quarter...they shut down the programming. We never got to see the end. BTW, they did the same thing when it was Oscar time...we had a big party, and when the much awaited big awards came up...bam...programming was shut down. And thus their government figured out how to piss off the Americans...take away their big TV time. Sigh...we can chuckle about it now...sort of, I'm still a bit ticked over it. LOL
We flew all day from GDL to Oregon (with a 6 year old.. easy, and a 9 month old.. not easy) so hubby could do it up with family. That's ok though, I made him go to Target and Babies R Us first.
Now, I'm not up on marketing statistics or where franchises of international restaurants are located; but let's suffice it to say that I'm pretty sure the majority of countries where our FS families are posted do not have Papa John's Pizza or Domino's or even Frank's Hot Sauce. But people in the Foreign Service are nothing if not resourceful! For those who are in countries where they don't get a Consumables Shipment (a ready-made pantry of wonderful, American favorites that they pay in advance for and have shipped to post), it can be really difficult to recreate Super Bowl standards like: chili, Buffalo wings, nachos, sliders, etc. There are a lot of novice chefs out there who try variation after variation of spices and sauces while using completely different and/or foreign ingredients just to attempt to replicate a family or cultural favorite. Some of us will buy/barter/beg for certain things within our respective communities. I know when I moved here, getting a can of black beans felt like winning the lottery!
Most of us are on different time zones--some twelve or more hours difference than Central Standard Time--and, therefore, go to great lengths (and sometimes hardships) to be able to watch the game. Here in Albania, for instance, one officer had a party that STARTED at midnight! Of course, some people had to go to work this morning; and some were able to take the day off. I asked people people on the FS Facebook page to share some of their stories, and here are the ones I've gotten so far:
The CLO (me) had a coffee and donuts Super Bowl party at their house, and we watched the first hour of the game before everyone had to go to work for 7:30 a.m.
In SE Asia (~12-hour time difference) I remember we hosted a few Super Bowl breakfasts at the DCR.
Super Bowl aired here in Baghdad at 2:30am - Although I was definitely asleep at that time, I know a lot of offices organized 'Super Bowl breakfast parties' for last night, and the American Club/Baghdaddy's (the only bar/restaurant on compound) had a party with the game on projector for anyone on the compound to watch! Also, since we can't really leave the compound for grocery shopping, I know a lot of people crowd-sourced ingredients to try and make some typical Super-Bowl Sunday food fare.
I have no interest in the SB! But my sons do, so I told them they could set their alarms for 1:30 and get up to watch here in Amman. They did. They are home from school today, and hopefully when they wake up, they will clean up their chips/salsa and hot cocoa mess.
We stayed up in Ouagadougou and broke out some chips and rationed salsa! Went to bed at 1am when we realized it wasn't going to be much of a game and we had to get up in 4 hrs to get the kids to school!!
Blast from the past. When we were in Guatemala ('98-'00) we all got together for a Super Bowl party. We were blessed there, not a huge time difference (from US east coast) & Guate had pirated TV from Denver, so it was like watching TV in the States but since we were Americans & the Guatemalan Government was not always happy with us, when it got to be the 4th quarter...they shut down the programming. We never got to see the end. BTW, they did the same thing when it was Oscar time...we had a big party, and when the much awaited big awards came up...bam...programming was shut down. And thus their government figured out how to piss off the Americans...take away their big TV time. Sigh...we can chuckle about it now...sort of, I'm still a bit ticked over it. LOL
We flew all day from GDL to Oregon (with a 6 year old.. easy, and a 9 month old.. not easy) so hubby could do it up with family. That's ok though, I made him go to Target and Babies R Us first.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)