I just took the time to go back and read my post about celebrating Christmas while in the Foreign Service. I realize how sad and removed it sounded, and I want to acknowledge that here. I was sad and a bit numb/depressed when I wrote it; however, I did mean what I said. Celebrating things like Christmas or Easter (or other religious and cultural holidays that I don't personally celebrate) can be extremely tough when you're away from everyone you know. I know it can be for me. I often think about my childhood in Louisiana when Easter and Christmas come around, and I remember the gifts and the crawfish boils and the Easter egg hunts with aunts and uncles and cousins I never see anymore. Those are all things that are hard to deal with. This year, the winter blues got me really down for a few weeks. I didn't get a lot of holiday preparation done that I should have because I was dealing with my own demons (like only 8 hours of daylight in Budapest in December); and I let a lot of things slide. And, honestly, I didn't think that I'd have to deal with as many mail issues in Budapest as we had in Tirana. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I was absolutely wrong. Things we ordered for Black Friday that we knew wouldn't/couldn't arrive to Post in time for Christmas still have not arrived. Americans, do not take your Prime shipping for granted EVER again.
All of that said, I wanted to talk about my little family's Christmas this year. Our boys know the secret; so there were so many fewer stressors this year as parents. That helped more than I can ever say. While I know my husband and I (and the kids) will always miss the magic of Christmas, it was just...so much easier on my husband and I this Christmas. And for that I am truly, truly grateful.
I am sure that I am not alone in always looking at the final Christmas tally for each kid and thinking that we just didn't get them enough or that the stacks look small or that we should add more fillers. Well, the truth is, I am always wrong about that. And this year was awesome because the jolly old fat man didn't get the credit; WE DID! Our kids opened their big gifts on Christmas Eve this year rather than on Christmas Day. And, folks, that's where the magic happened. See, traditionally, (meaning in my family when I was growing up) we opened the gifts from the parents in the late evening, after dinner on Christmas Eve. Santa came that night, and we opened his gifts on Christmas Day. Well, our boys begged us to be able to open our gifts on Christmas Eve morning. And do you know what the absolute best part of being a parent is? You get to break the rules any freaking time you want! And you get to be a hero to your kids by breaking with an archaic tradition and letting your little piece of the world do exactly as it wants to do. It was magic. They woke us up insanely early (but with cups of coffee!) and they dove into their really big gifts. We saw magic happen and heard screams of joy because they knew that WE had bought and planned and wrapped just for them. They played all day long. They built Legos and took pictures and thanked us profusely all day. We felt like heros. And you know what? They didn't give a damn that their Amazon Echos didn't make it (and still are not here in mid-Janurary because 17 pouch bags got rerouted in error). They don't care. They knew that it was just the four of us this Christmas. They knew this was a "lean" year because I haven't been able to work in a year and a half. They knew the stacks would be smaller. They knew they were going to open some pictures rather than gifts. And you know what? They knew all of that and we all still had the best Christmas we've ever had together.
In this lifestyle that many of us have chosen, we knew going in to it that serving our country was going to be taxing in ways that we'd never understand at first. We knew there would be road bumps. We knew it would be hard sometimes and perfect others. And we all chose to do it anyway. That said, our kids didn't choose this. Knowing and realizing that can make us (as parents) a little sensitive and a lot worried at times. But when you have amazing little people in your lives, you come to realize that the more "imperfect" it seems to be, the more perfect it truly is. And the truth is, your kids don't care if they have the perfect Christmas. They just want you to help them put their Legos together.
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