Trying to find your own way in life when you are a trailing spouse can be difficult and unsure much of the time. I never know where we'll be going from one year to the next (like now), and planning for any type of job security can be impossible. My life right now is completely uncertain: where I'll be this time next year, what language I'll be speaking, where my kids will be going to school, how my kids will handle losing their Nana when we leave Canada, what our new house/apartment will be like, what kind of car we'll have or need (some places only allow right-hand drives), what kind of weather to expect, if there will be a job for me at the next place, if the kids will be able to adjust to a completely new life in a new place/culture, etc. The list just goes on and on. These "unknowns" are equal parts adrenaline and panic for me. I've said before that I always feel the need to plan for the future or at least have an idea what to expect. The next few months are completely out of my hands right now. And add to that the fact that I am trying to get hired in my own right, which throws a wrench—a permanent wrench—into the whole equation. It's a logistical nightmare, and it's the life I have chosen. The hardest part right now is NOT being an officer/employee in my own right because I have absolutely no say-so in where we go or how to mold the process the way I want. I have to leave everything up to my husband, which is hard for me.
However, I feel my heart race when I think about all of the possibilities, scary though they are. Will it be Africa or Europe or even the south Pacific? Only time will tell…but I wish it would hurry up.
No comments:
Post a Comment