My husband and I just got back from a mini-vacation, a night alone and out of town, without our children. We finally just took the initiative and the subsequent and necessary "belt tightening" and decided to spend the night away. We spent last night just remembering why we fell in love with each other and marveling at the changes we've been through since we met five years ago. We came home feeling like different people and so thankful for the time we got to share together.
It's often easy to romanticize the life my family leads: moving from country to country and culture to culture every couple of years. I've touched on bidding and things already, but it's easy for me to forget how hard it can be too, especially for the ones who have no choice in the matter.
My oldest son is only four now; and so far, moving has pretty much been easy for him to handle. But today, I realized that we're coming to the point where he's going to miss people and friends and continuity; in fact, I think it's here. This past year, he's been in a Montessori school where he made a friend whose mother happens to work with us. We've done lots of playdates and outings together, and the boys have just bonded so much. Well, the time has come for their little family to move on to another post. I explained to my son that tomorrow is their going away party, and he just fell apart. While I've been stressing about our upcoming bid list and wondering about where we're going next, I've neglected to realize what a change it is going to be for my little guys. I mean, my husband and I have come to terms with moving from place to place and the fact that the few friendships we are lucky (are rare) enough to forge at each post are--by all intents and purposes--temporary for the most part. I mean, of course there is Facebook and/or Skype; but we never know if, when we leave people behind, we'll ever see those people again. But try explaining that to a four-year-old. All he knows is that his best friend is leaving and going "to live in another country."
It's times like these when I wonder if what we're doing is the right thing. Don't get me wrong; I love this life. And my husband loves this life. But will our children? Will we ever be able to teach them how to let go of people as easily as we have (and can)? Is it the RIGHT thing to be teaching them? In fact, is it the right way to live...in the end?
I mean, my life right now is consumed with research of possible posts and whether or not I'll be hired to do this in my own right. I've completed step two of a three-step process, and nothing is certain. Sure, I'll probably be able to find a job wherever we go, and I am thankful for that. And the fact is that even if we were tired of this life and this work (which we aren't even close to, thank God), that so many people our age are out of work right now or working in menial jobs just to pay the bills.
I keep hoping that I will get hired on in my own right because, if I do and we go to a "hardship" post, we'll be able to save enough money to buy a house in a few years. As it is now, that's not in the cards. But then I think about the different "hardship" posts and wonder how "hard" they really are. Some are unsafe. Crime isn't a deterrent thus far; but who knows. I mean, there are places where you have to have armed guards around your house. There are places where you can't just go to the store and find something trivial like peanut butter; rather, you have to order it online, pay for shipping, etc. So that $3 jar of peanut butter ends up costing more like $8-$10. So are you really saving any money by undergoing that type of hardship? Is it worth it to even order it or better to just do without?
Some posts won't let you import a left-hand drive car. Well, we just bought a new car--a bigger car--to be able to fit both kids and our nanny. Well, we won't have her when we leave here; so what then? I mean, the logistics involved in these moves are insane! And it never ends. But what's more insane than the moves is how much we look forward to them. I mean, I've said before that I am neurotic in my planning. I like to be prepared and to know what to expect, but the not knowing is kind of like a drug to me. I've been researching possible jobs for my husband and the countries that might be on the list: the housing, the cost of living, the things to do, security issues (if there are any), the culture, the languages, the climate, the things that can or cannot be found there, etc. It's never ending. And another thing I've been thinking about is how often we like to move. We spent two years in Ecuador, and we'll be here two years. But the thought of having to stay in the same place for three years, the normal procedure for one's third and subsequent tours, is really scary. Some tours, according to their level of hardship/difficulty, are two-year tours. That interests us the most. Not only could we save money, but we could travel more frequently too!
But that brings me back to my boys. What is the right thing? I keep telling myself that there are some amazing children in this life who become amazing adults and who love it. But we've heard stories of some kids who aren't or weren't able to adjust as well. It cannot be easy for a young child to move to a new school every single two or three years, much less in a different country with a different culture--many with an entirely different language. But I keep thinking of the opportunities to see the world too. And I still truly believe that we're providing an amazing life experience for our kids. I just hope I/we continue to feel that way as time goes on. But, ultimately, only time will tell.
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