I think the hardest thing about being in quarantine/implementing social distancing is the fact that I am a hands-on person. I don't mean that in a creepy way, to be clear. But I am hand shaker, a hugger, a shoulder tapper, and a face-to-face kind of person.
I want to be clear and say that it could be so much worse for me right now (knock on wood). I am still earning a paycheck. I am living in an apartment that is paid for. I have more than enough food to survive. I have made dear friends here who check on me every day (in a socially distant way of course). My mother, my husband, and my in-laws check in with me daily, as do my amazing children. But I miss "touching" people. There's no way to say/write that without it not being creepy, is there?
I miss hugs and pats and even European-style cheek kisses among friends, which I always seemed to do backwards, and which made it awkward. I haven't touched another human being in 37 days, and then it was only a shoulder touching a shoulder during a drive. To be honest, it's been over 40 days; because, by the end of FACT training, no one was sitting near anyone else.
Now, hugging my husband and children is another matter. I last kissed and hugged my husband and children 57 days ago. I missed my first born's 13th birthday today, which is just a cruel "f*ck you" from Mother Nature, as far as I am concerned. The long and short of it is, my family is going to be fine. My children are a Foreign Service poster child(ren) for "resilience." My marriage is stronger than ever. But my tactile sense of self is so, so lonely in all of this. I feel like Southern women around the world are seriously suffering from COVID-19's societal requirements right now. We are not okay.
I only give thanks that my husband brought my little dog to me when I last saw my family. I don't know what I would do without having her to hold. That said, I am starting to feel like Lennny in "Of Mice and Men," when I hold her. I just keep telling myself not to squeeze her too hard.
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