Trailing Spouses

I'm pretty sure I've written about Foreign Service spouses before, but I've really been thinking about them lately.  Back in the day they/we were called "trailing spouses," but that's not really the "PC" term now.  I was lucky in a sense that I was still in school when I met my husband.  I hadn't established myself in a certain field ; I didn't have a career yet.  I know that for me, we move from place to place and country to country with the hope that there will be some kind of way where I can bring home a paycheck.  We got lucky in Ecuador and Canada, and I was able to bring home some bacon of my own.  Granted, I worked full-time in Canada and was able to pay for childcare and groceries every month; but you take what you can get in this lifestyle.

     When I look around this apartment complex, I see every kind of woman and/or mother.  Some of these women (and a LOT of men too!!) had lives and careers of their own that they gave up to travel the world their spouse.  A lot of spouses are actually foreign born and were met while the AMCIT/officer was at a foreign post.  A lot of women home school their children, take in other people's FS kids during the day to bring home a pay check, or try to find a hobby.  I know jewelry makers, knitters, seamstresses, bakers, cooks, crafters, painters, artists, etc., who learned their craft as a(n) FS spouse.  I myself am a novice bookbinder--and I use that in the loosest sense of the word!

     Many of us leave our homes, our families, our jobs, our schools, our countries, our language, and/or our entire WORLD to live this life and serve our country.  I like to think and hope that we do this because of the love we have for our country and our spouse, because this can be a pretty brutal lifestyle at times.  I live this life because I have everything I've ever wanted (except for that elusive baby girl I keep dreaming about).  But I can say without reservation that this is not a perfect or a fairy tale lifestyle.  We have one of the highest divorce rates in the country, btw.

     I see people, and mothers, and couples that really struggle, not only to make ends meet (since we're not rich), but also struggle daily to keep the family unit intact, to stay in touch with the people we've left behind--and continuously meet and leave behind--to make sure that our children understand that they are Americans and what that means, to keep American traditions and holidays alive in our small communities, and struggle just to get up in the morning on occasion.  I know, personally, how I feel about living this life varies almost weekly.  My husband I are constantly trying to teach our kids what it means to be an American; the elections were big in our house and what they mean for Americans were a great lesson on patriotism.

     But getting back to the topic at hand--Foreign Service spouses--I just want to say that I'm equally amazed by and proud of us.  We get to do what so many people only dream about.  But we REALLY do it.  We get dropped into countries and left to our own devices, to make our mistakes, to acclimate, and to represent the United States overseas.  I mean, times have changed; don't get me wrong.  The Dept. of State does not expect me to be a perfect hostess and to speak the language flawlessly.  But we are extensions of our officer spouses; so there is always that thought lingering in our minds that this might be a test or turn into some kind of international incident if something goes horribly awry :).

     I am just so proud of my fellow trailing spouses.  I know so many people who are going to countries where English is not at all common, and they aren't able to take language classes or don't want to.  I know people who are going to or coming back from  countries with small children where healthcare is but substandard.  I've heard the myths and know the realities--just like my fellow FS spouses--but we're still here...waiting to get to post.  We spend half of our lives settling in or planning for the next one.  Some get Paris; some get...really unpleasant places.  And we all seem to wind up here in Falls Church every few years.

     Asking people "where are you heading to?," is the norm here.  People are learning languages I have never even heard of!  I've never heard of so many "-stan" countries in my life!  But, again, I am amazed and proud by the sense of community and understanding I find here.  Everyone looks after all the kids at the playground.  We never worry about our safety here.  We tell stories that would make the faint of heart...well, faint!!  I live for evenings outside where we take turns telling horror stories from abroad.  There's a lot to be said for stories and memories and living.  And that's what we're doing, day by day and hour by hour.